June 6, 2008 - Journal Entry

I'm starting to feel torn. Especially when I sit still. I feel sad and peaceful. Like I belong here, but not completely. I want to go home, but not really. I miss Omar, but I'm in love with these baboons. When I sit still, I want to laugh and cry all at the same time. I'm grateful for this experience, but I hate that it has to end. I have cravings sometimes for things at home. Especially things that remind me of him. I miss my best friend. One of our favorite conversations around here is the "What's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?" or even better, "What's the first meal you're going to eat when you get home?" That's always a good one. I know that I'm probably thinking too much and not savoring this enough but I can't help it. How can I be fully here when my heart is back home?

When I sit still

and the world is quiet

when the sun is shining

and the birds are chirping

when the chores are done

and time slows down

I look out over the world below

and my thoughts wander to you

I wonder where you are

and what you're doing

who you're with

and where you're going

I wonder how you are spending your time

and if I occupy your thoughts like you haunt mine

I imagine what you would say

if you were here with me now

The affection we would share

and the love you would show

I wonder if you are sleeping

and what you might be dreaming

I sit still and ponder the passage of time

and how our lives, though separated, still run in parallel lines